Snakes and shovels...oh my!

A little background...my maintenance man has been on vacation this week and I'm scared to death of snakes...

Once upon a time (this morning) a resident called the office....

"There is a snake curled up staring at me at my patio door."

"What do you want me to do?" I ask.

"Come kill it!" she squeaks.

"Um...I'm don't do snakes." I reply.

"It's your job!" she yells.

Now at this point, I didn't feel the need to explain to her that I'm paid to collect rent...not play with snakes. I told her I would see what I could do.

At the time of her call, I had a deputy in my office talking about other things, so I asked him if he could shoot it...he said no...So I asked if he could catch it...he said no...I asked him if there was anything he could do...he said no...come to find out, he's just as scared of snakes...

So I gather up all the courage I had...which was not much and I start searching through the maintenance shop for a large tool and the only thing I could find is the shovel...

I start walking across the parking lot and grass in my dress and high heels with the shovel dragging behind me.

I get to her back patio door and I see the snake right where she said it was. I try to figure out if I am suppose to smash the snake on the head with the shovel or if I'm suppose to try to chop it in half...while I'm taking my sweet time thinking about it, I notice something moving in the bush next to me...I turn and see another snake staring at me...

Let me paint a picture for you...

Here I am in a skirt, heels and holding a shovel...I come eye to eye with this snake...I start jumping around screaming and swinging the shovel at everything I can see...the bush did not survive...the snake on the other hand, slithered toward the other snake on the patio...

I stop to catch my breath and notice that a few (15-20) residents are standing around giggling at me...did any of them offer their assistance...NO!

I start to walk away and I hear the original resident scream, "Take the snakes with you!"

I stop, sigh and turn toward the snakes. They are side by side and look to be sleeping...as if all this carrying on didn't worry them one bit.

I decide that hitting the snakes with the flat part of the shovel would be the best way to handle things. I could knock two snakes out with one hit...Do you see where this is going...it turns out that hitting a snake with a flat shovel just makes them mad...and a mad snake wants to bite at things...

Fear set in at this moment and I started chopping away with the shovel...by the time it was all over with, it looked like a million little worms on the patio.

Again, I turn to leave, satisfied with a job well done when I hear..."Are you going to clean off my patio?"

I am sweating, breathing hard, wore out and my clothes are a mess. I see the other residents laughing at the whole picture in front of them and this woman wants me to clean up the snake stew on her patio...

I toss the shovel over my shoulder, look in her direction and say, "Nope, I've done my part. You wanted me to take care of the snake and I doubled the job."

Walking toward the office with the shovel over my shoulder I realize that there is a hole in my pantyhose and one of my heels have broken off. I get to the office and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the foyer and realize that I have mud/dirt or something on my face, my hair is a mess and I've popped a button on my shirt.

I call my boss and leave a message on her machine letting her know that I'm going home and I tell her all about my adventures. I made it home, showered and went back to bed...I'm so glad the weekend is here!

I don't get paid enough for what I have to do for those residents! Hugs...