Are you in love?

"Is your writing life going to be a lover in the center of your life? Or is your writing life more of a casual crush, something you think about, but don't do much about?"

From: Page after Page, by Heather Sellers

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I've never thought about being in love with writing before. It's something I love doing. It's something I enjoy doing. It's something that excites me. It's something that I get upset about when I can't do it. But am I in love?

This question made me look back in time. A time when I was falling in love with my husband. During that time, I wouldn't let anything stop me from seeing him. If we had a date and something needed to be done at work, but I didn't have time to do it before our date, I would leave it...even if it meant going to work really, really early or coming back in on the weekend to get my work done. I find that I still do this. Why? Because I love my husband and I don't want anything to take time away from him.

So what does that mean for my writing? I use to feel that way about it. I would carry a notebook/tape recorder everywhere I went. I would write and write like I couldn't get enough of it. What happened? Work happened!

Does this mean that my "work" has become my nagging spouse that I let take over my time? Do I allow this "spouse" to drain me of all creativity and time. Do I allow this "spouse" to take me away from my love affair?

Has my writing become the love affair? One that I sneak in whenever I can? One that I leave alone when work calls? One that I treat with no respect and take for granted.

I know I'm not in love with my work spouse. I do it to pay my bills and would walk away in a heartbeat if I could. So then why do I let it take time away from my love affair, writing? Is this what a person feels like when they have a spouse and a lover? They like the idea of being a spouse, but they thrill at the idea of having an affair. Do I like the idea of telling people I work, and thrill at the thought of "sneaking" around with my love affair?

Am I so terrified of falling in love with my writing that I do everything in my power to keep my "writing lover" at a safe distance? Am I terrified of going public with my love affair?

I can write about wanting to be a writer on my blog. I can visit other writing websites and be a part of those writing discussions. But isn't that all hush, hush...isn't that like taking my affair to a dark and cozy restaurant way out of town, so no one who knows me will see me...will see us? Am I ashamed of saying I want to be a writer? I am a writer? Am I ashamed of my love affair?

I'm sick of saying I want a writing life. I want more time to write. And I'm sick that I keep doing nothing about it. I keep allowing my work spouse to take me away from my love affair. Even when I'm not at work, work is running through my head and taking up my time. Time that I could be courting my writing...

I am taking some time off from work (I had decided to do this before reading this book). During this time, I had thought I would write. Now, I think I will court my writing and fall in love with my writing all over again. I just hope it will give me a second chance. I just hope it will fall in love with me again. I better bring chocolate! grin...

Lover in the center, or Lover on the side? Where does your writing Lover fit into your life?

Hugs...